Rachel Wang

Chinese Single Women’s Ideal Men: ‘Secondhand’ Suitors Surprisingly Popular

(via Flickr/花花视界@厦门)

A recent survey of over 35,500 single ladies in China offers some insight into Chinese women’s attitudes towards men and marriage. The survey, which included questions such as “Why are you still single?” and “What kind of man do you hope to marry?”  shed light on the types of men that single Chinese women prefer, with some surprising results.

While 51.13% of the women surveyed regarded “getting married” as their goal, they reported that the top three male traits that made them prefer singlehood were men’s constant involvement in “ambiguous” love affairs, their tendency to talk a lot but accomplish little, and their stinginess. While these feelings may resonate globally, what set the Chinese marriage market apart were respondents’ attitudes towards men, as well as their expectations and standards for their potential future husbands.

When asked “What kind of men are you willing to marry?” the most popular response was “a divorced man who owns a house and car,” followed by “a successful 40-something man who has gone on a lot of blind dates but is still single.” Interestingly – and even a bit surprisingly – the least popular kind of man, coming in behind even “an unassuming computer programmer,” and “a handsome freelancer,” was the so-called “phoenix man,” a high-level corporate manager with a lot of relatives. More broadly defined, a “phoenix man” is someone who came from humble beginnings, made his way through school, exhausted resources of his family in the process, and was expected to change the fate of the family when he eventually succeeded.

Instead of being regarded as heroes who changed their own destinies, “phoenix men” have long been unpopular in the Chinese marriage market, especially among “peacock girls” – those from urban, relatively wealthy families. Women dislike what they perceive to be the men’s insecurity, fear of failure, penny pinching, inferiority complexes, and prioritization of his extended family over his own wife and kids. These are thought to be traits irreversibly ingrained in his psyche by the time he reaches adulthood.

Many Chinese believe that when you marry someone, you are marrying into a lifestyle and an entire family. In a country with conservative marriage traditions, many men and women still think divorce is shameful and that second marriages should be low-profile. China has some long-standing traditions when it comes to marriage, including especially tight family ties, living with the husband’s family after marriage, and having the wife serve his parents and potentially his entire family. In modern days, couples who live and work in more westernized urban areas are less likely to abide by such traditions, but they have not completely disappeared and may remain in the back of women’s minds like a time bomb.

Many single Chinese women therefore find it difficult to decide whom to marry. On the one hand, marrying a relatively rich divorced man is like taking a “secondhand” man, and they may feel they lose face by doing so. On the other hand, marrying an affluent “phoenix man” might embroil the woman in endless troubles with his extended family.

Netizens weighed in on the dilemma. One woman commented on the survey, “I personally think that you may lose face by marrying an old man [a divorced, middle-aged man], but at least you might have some security in life. He might also be less flirtatious [with other women]. A more stable life would bring you a sense of safety.” On Weibo, a Twitter-like social media platform, user @bt桃子 remarked, “One reason marrying a divorced man is better than marrying a single man is that you can see what his attitude toward marriage is: whether he is abusive, whether he is responsible enough, whether he likes to get involved in love affairs. It’s hard to learn any of this about a single man unless you’ve lived closely with him for a while.”

A comment by Weibo user @一帘花碎影 illustrated some of the main complaints women have about “phoenix men:”

Love yourself! Stay away from phoenix men! They bear the entire family’s hopes while in college, and get what they believe is a good job in a state-owned company with a salary of two or three hundred thousand a year. If you are not from a rich family, his entire family will think that you are not good enough for him. Down the line, his relatives will always come visit him, borrow money for all sorts of reasons, and make you help them get jobs. If you don’t help them, they will think he is an ungrateful child who has no appreciation for their sacrifices.

Women faced these tough choices in a variety of ways. A plurality of those surveyed reported that in their single lives they chose to devote themselves to their work. Almost half reported they had no sex life. A sizable 13.28% said they did not want to marry, while 23.87% said they were, “uncertain, tired, and might never love again.”

In the end, many Chinese women still find choosing a marriage partner very difficult. An easier relationship might come with other trade-offs, while a harder one might not be worth the energy spent. It is worth noting, though, that only single women participated in this survey, so it does not reflect the views of all Chinese women or Chinese society as a whole. Many couples are happily married every day: the marriage registration computer system recently crashed because of the large volume of couples who wanted to get married on May 20, a date that is a homonym for “I love you” in Mandarin.

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Rachel Wang

Rachel Wang is currently based in Beijing working in media. She graduated from the University of Michigan with a degree in Economics, and enjoys reading analyses regarding international affairs, Tim Harford and books about china (that's with a lower-case "c").
  • Melisa

    In another survey 92% of Chinese women have prerequisite to marry men that are higher earners then them, for security or for materialism?

    • Jane

      for greed….

    • John

      Yep. 92% for high earners. Greed.
      They will leave you if you loose work or are ill. Pathetic materialistic humans.

      • Bill

        Adam. Yep, you have it. Greed is the word.
        Materialism, self-centredness and empty souls.

        The hatred of people of lower standing and many other dispicable traits that come with Greed.

    • ra232

      That is reasonable since 99% of Western women want some dude to take advantage of.

    • David Weiss

      I am married to a Chinese women, and she as well as other women are very materialistic and believe money alone brings happiness. They will work hard to make money but I feel their priorities on finer sentiments in a husband wife relationship are too covered over by materialism. She says that a Chinese woman won’t marry a man unless he owns a house. So materialistic things means they are more important than renting an apartment and being married.Although there are many poor people in China, they consider it a shameful thing to wear someone else’s hand me downs that are in good condition. I befriended an older man and his sneakers were cheap and had holes in them, I had an almost brand new pair to give him because they didn’t fit me, but he wouldn’t accept it from me. Strange! Out of their Chinese ethnic pride they would rather wear ragged clothes and shoes than to accept a hand me down. My wife told me Chinese women have to buy a new dress every year and not wear the ones a year old and they are not suppose to wear the same outfit the next day. The same goes for men.

  • Peter Pottinger

    Are u joking? i’m 30 and single and would love to find any Chinese girl to marry. Where are all these single girls people write of.

    Maybe I’m not rich enough lol

    • RW

      Hi Peter!
      Thank you for reading my piece. Great to have readers like you – who can take their time and leave comments:)
      First of all, I am not joking. The result is based on a survey with a relatively large sample, though you can question its credibility and potential bias.
      Second of all, to answer your question. Those single girls that I wrote about are in CHINA, mainly big cities.
      Third of all, I believe the guys they were talking about are specifically referring to Chinese guys, I mean Chinese-Chinese guys. As for international marriage, that’s another story.
      In the end, marriage market in China is indeed somehow distorted nowadays. Complicated issue. Of course, the ratio of international marriage is also increasing, which I personally believe it’s not a bad thing.

      • Peter Pottinger

        Ah, I see, its a completly different perspective. I’m living in Canada, but born in china. Maybe write an article focused on international marriages? I know its possible to vacation to China and perhaps meet a girl but, very expensive and also very tacky imo.

        • RW

          Thank you for the suggestion! International marriage is also an important/interesting phenomenon in nowaday China.

        • Kingandrew

          I think that foreign guys are often seen as quite acceptable, since many of them do make high salaries by Chinese standards and may provide opportunities to live in or visit other countries. Quite a few of the expatriates here in Shanghai are very highly paid executives for multinational firms, but even English teachers can do very well by Chinese financial standards. Foreigners also don’t have all the family baggage that comes with a Chinese man.

          However, I am sure some women would prefer a Chinese mate. Big cities like Shanghai obviously attract the more adventurous and ambitious women, who might be more open to such a pairing than those who stayed in their home villages.

          • Peter Pottinger

            I’m 100% Chinese and my job is that of a software developer, just to give you a indication of my salary.

            Now where are all these single Chinese girls?

          • David Weiss

            There are dating sites, but many I feel from experience want to get out of China and want a western man to marry. Go to Asian date.com. Some might desire a Chinese man.They tend to believe Gwi Lo have a lot of money and they can get a way out of China. From my experience Most Chinese women are very ethno centric and have no idea how to maintain a relationship with a foreign man. They have strong Chinese cultural influence. That is why many of the foreign marriages will not work out with Chinese women. They had been disconnected from the rest of the world for so long their brains are hard wired to live the Chinese way so their compatibility with western men might not work out so easy. America is different and ones success looking to meet any foreign woman is better in America for example. AT least they are acclimated to western way of thinking and living in a multicultural society. WHEN I AM IN CHINA SO MANY Chinese PEOPLE STARE AT YOU BECAUSE THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN A FOREIGNER. I am only one of 3 white men living in that city.

          • jake Harods

            In China……………..avail yourself to a ticket. If you are making a bundle and you have to travel o China to get a woman, you have a problem.

    • ra232

      Well I would think they are in China?

    • David Weiss

      I met a Chinese woman on a free international dating web site. She was divorced and hadn’t remarried for a decade and a half. When Chinese women get divorced they usually some how don’t choose to find another for years. There are a lot of divorced Chinese women who want to marry foreign men. A lot of times even if the man is 15 years older than they are. It is because they figure you worked many years and own a home have a good paying job and well established and are more settled down in your ways and have a lot of money. Many also will lie or tell you they are learning English but if you fly to China to meet them you will find out they hardly speak a word of English. I mean they are teaching English in schools since kindergarten but many don’t take it seriously and when they get out of school they forget it because they haven’t used it. My wife kept e-mailing people for years and is somewhat able to communicate with me OK. Her friends forgot all the English they learned in school. So be careful of photos from websites or believing everything they tell you. I met a woman who was never married who was a corporate executive type. She told me she speaks English very well and I believe she did. But she is one of those women who are more dedicated to her company than to spending a meaningful time with a husband. Many just want to get out of China and when you marry them and bring them to U.S., which is complicated process, they will leave you and go live with Chinese American’s They use you. My one friend married an Indian women out of Guiana and when she came to America she ran away to her father who lived there. For myself, I have temporary residency and live and work in China. Once you are married in China you qualify for a 1-2 year temporary residency visa and you just renew it periodically. English teachers are in big demand and it costs me only $350 a month for my wife and I, rent utilities food, internet and transportation. If you live in the high tier cities it can be very expensive.

  • Hai Bo Wang

    I am a Chinese woman who left China 13 years ago and have been living in Montreal and China ever since. China, with its reset of social, economical and slowly following cultural values, is dashing its way towards the world. I see phenomen of amazing changes and, sadly that of going backward in many aspects. The ideal relationship and value of love above materialism and insecurity has been travelling farther and farther from the land of China. Love has simply become a pure luxury which strangely is excluding every one in China, leaving the luxury an sarcastic notion.

    • Daryl

      Thank you. Finally a true and honest perspective on the materilistic Chinese culture that the world is seeing more openly now.
      In my experience it seems to be a decline of the soul.
      Where is true love?

      • Hai Bo Wang

        Dear Daryl: To be honest is the first step for changes to happen. As a woman of Chinese origin who grew up carrying all hopes and expectations for men to fill for us, I started a long journey of looking for true love, sincerity and big love by LEAVING this complicated and sophisticated OLD land.

        As a result of my experience in China and Canada ( a multi-cultural country with different beliefs and value systems), I find that this PROBLEM is not exclusive to Chinese women and strange to women of other nations, including many of some developed countries. Only that they are subtler and in many other forms. This problem appears strongly striking mostly because China goes too fast in its development, leaving women to express the pain and fear of the society with no cure.

        I do not quite agree to what you said that “it seems to be a decline of soul”. I would rather say: It didn’t fall from a higher place (decline), rather a repetition of its old value ( women depend on men for survival willingly or UNWILLINGLY) with accelerating graveness.

        Chinese have always been teaching their child a narrow, selfish love since history. Women haven’t even been their educational beneficiary. It’s sad and pitiful for me to see and feel their frustration in families and society, and I believe that they CAN BE beautiful women when they are independent and conscious of the possibility of being true beautiful women. They need people to show them how. To conclude with doors forever closed is not my purpose of writing.

        I have hope and I will be one who has broken out of this sad circle.

        Thanks for replying, Daryl.

        Have a nice day!

        • Daryl

          Dear Hoi Bo Wang. I see and understand what you wrote “as a repitition of it’s old value”.

          I suppose it is early days.( in terms of China’s rise) The females i am thinking of ( and one of whom I personaly and closely know) are educated,independent and in their late 40s.
          To be lied too constantly, so naturaly and as a matter of course, naws deeply at my heart and soul.

          I suppose i may have taken these experiences to heart as I have stayed away from this type of character in Australia only to be in-undated with it in China.

          You seem to perhaps be as sad as I to understand, yet unable to do anything, but merely observe. I hope you have broken out of this sad circle. Unfortunately I had been deeply drawn into it.( or I let myself be drawn?)

          Thank you again for replying and I sincerely wish you a happy and fulfilling life.

          • Hai Bo Wang

            Hello, daryl: I didn’t see your comment soon enough to reply in time.

            About lying, I think the whole nation, including women, is still suffering the aftermath psychological impact of endless criticisms and revolutions, like that of Cultural Recolution, in which people were scared to be true. That is so so sad for Chinese people that Mao used every evil way to scare and manipulate Chinese to his orders… Even my parents avoid truth and wanted us to say things other than truth. I asked them why we couldn’t tell as is, they said: because we are your parents and we are old, we need to be respected…

            Anyway, I couldn’t live with them. It’s too fake and complicated… And here I am in Montreal.

            Definitely, you are right about me. I broke away from the environment and and have gone everyway to be a sincere, loving and giving woman, a Loving giving, helping, thus a very happy Chinese woman.

            Thanks for your reply!

        • David Weiss

          I have been married and lived in China as an American for 5 years. A lot of what you say is true. One Chinese woman told me Chinese women tend to be very dominating but for the good of the family. Even if there are good intentions but it is insensitive to a man’s need to play the male gender role sometimes. I don’t believe Chinese women should always walk behind he husband anymore like in the old way because Chinese as well as women worldwide are becoming more productive and educated beyond domestic family services and caring for children. From my perspective, being from American culture and as a psychologist, husband and wife need to play different roles as female or male dominating. But I personally see Chinese men acting in the female gender role always being submissive to the demands and desires of his wife. Men are accepting that role which to me is abusive and insensitive to the Yin Yang principles to create harmony in a relationship. My Chinese wife contributes almost nothing in sharing our living expenses. I asked her to just pay for the cost of utilities. She said if I stop drinking beer she would, which to me is more of a dominating role play. I will bet you if I stopped drinking beer, she would still refuse to share expenses. Then she threatens to live somewhere else if I don’t pay. Again domination. I believe in God and universal laws of nature even in marriages. because of her attitude I have seen three businesses of hers fail because she is a bit selfish and doesn’t even share in household duties and shop with me too often, In fact rarely does she clean the house. The only thing she does is cook dinner. Is this a failed marriage as a result of Chinese women dominating personalities? I am moving to U.S. to buy a house in 2 years. I will try to get her legally to America and I will then be able to play a man’s role once again. Because I am a foreigner I have to depend on her to do a few things for me because I have limitations by law here and I don’t speak much Chinese. She holds that over my head like I owe her everything then. Selfishness is part of their way. For Chinese women being with a crowd of their friends is a higher priority than a husband. They push their babies off on grandparents to take care of their responsibility as a mother because they want to have total independence for their career. They want their cake and eat it. Why have a baby if you don’t want to nurture the child and spend time with them? In China a child, by law, is a pension check for the parents. When they get older and they need money or a home the children are forced to care for them and their private lives are invasive by the parents.

          • Hai Bo Wang

            Wow, David: one of too many similar stories I already knew…

            Why you have to marry a woman like that? Why are you thinking to bring her to USA? You will have endless nightmares if you bring her with you… Leave her there…

            Find someone in the similar culture, that will be much easier for you…

            Yes, they are selfish. I actually don’t have any Chinese women as my friends, I tried, but everyone failed me…they become my friends because they need my insight about western men. Once they got it, or they think my ideas don’t suit them, or they leave Montreal, our “relationship” suddenly went silent… They don’t only treat men like this, they treated me like this too… I had three Chinese women who I thought were my friends, but obviously i was only when they needed me and only when they were here…

            I have friends, all ages, all nations /genders. But sadly to say, no Chinese. It’s really heart breaking to say that…they are people with deep psychological problems that they are not aware of… Sad people. Their men are even sadder creatures…

            Ehhh, enough about Chinese women and men…

          • David Weiss

            Are you Chinese? If you are it is unusual that you seem to have a very broad insight into different cultures and people, and do not take being blindly loyal to people because thy are the same ethnicity as you are.. I have a lot of Indian friends in U.S. and they are easier to relate to. So I feel like you are finishing up an inquiry I’ve had about what the motivations are of Chinese women in relationships. I never married until I was 57 in China. I lived as a monk for 15 years went to college and I felt it difficult finding women I was attracted to in the same American culture as I. My mother and father were European immigrants that came to America and I was brought up appreciating their culture. Maybe I wanted to find women who had some meaningful culture. Brainwashed by atheism under communist rule in China has destroyed the traditional virtues that Taoism and Buddhism at one time instilled in the Chinese culture. Now it is greed, money, deception, dishonesty and disrespect for the environment and nature that seems to be a foundation in their materialistic culture. Thank you for your sensitivity and compassionate advice for me. I don’t know if my wife will ever change but I am going back to America in a couple years to live there even if she can’t come. And whether I want her to come at that time remains to be known. You can e-mail me anytime at Bodhipichu@outlook.com anytime. may peace be with you. You seem like a friend.

          • Richard Masha

            Seriously I think the biggest problem is Chinese dudes aren’t putting the wood down. Be a fucking man. If I told my wife to pay utilities, and her response was “Stop drinking beer” here is what you should do. Let the fucking lights go out. I’d be sitting in the dark house drinking my fucking beer. WTF
            Be the man. I live in HK and see it all the time. Chinese guys are passive aggressive. Meaning they would rather backstab or dirty talk among peers when having a conflict then get into fist fights. That type of behavior is FEMALE, not MALE. Women must backstab and slink around because they don’t mass as much as Us or have the strength and aggression we do. If those guys started being men, their wives would respond. Stop trying to be a nice guy and just be a man. Women play the game they are built for. That’s why if a woman cheats the guy never finds out, but when a guy cheats she knows it straight off the bat. Any Chinese chick that was like, I won’t marry you if you don’t have a house, I’d respond well I won’t marry you if you don’t have cash in the bank and a plan for how we will use it to ride off into the sunset. Don’t like it pound sand, I GOT A HOUSE, plenty more hotties that WILL do what I want.

    • David Weiss

      I am American and have lived in China married to a Chinese woman for 5 years. I am aware of married women wanting to have secret love affairs because their companionship with husband is very superficial as far as romance is concerned. Their intimacy seems to wear off after a few years of marriage with each other. Then the husbands and wives want to go have a good time with other men. I have Chinese women who are married ask me to come to breakfast or go to Karaoke with them. Although I WAS TEMPTED, I NEVER tried to get too close to these women because I knew they were married. I know Chinese tend to always go out to restaurants with friends to just talk separate from their own families. women don’t seem to confines to a family boundary after so many years. It is the same way in the whole world now. Chinese women are becoming independent from household duties alone like they use to be as just housewives. They have their independent business. My wife goes to her store and I am the one who usually washes the clothes three times a week, mop the floors, goes shopping, pays the rent and utilities. because of her store we haven’t spent any personal time to travel for a couple days and relax together. Because I am the one who has to pay for the entire trip, I am not giving in anymore like a indentured servant obligated to pay for everything. She is 57 and I am 62. So the intimacy in our relationship is fading away slowly. To maintain any marriage a couple both have to maintain intimacy or any romantic close feelings will go away. Cleaning the house, shopping together, traveling together etc., area way to maintain a marriage. I just read recently that Chinese men and women traditionally have companionship that goes on but there is a limitation on how long the romance continues. This was a result of studies done by Chinese and western psychologists.

  • Guest

    The novel that I am writing is about a Chinese woman’s struggle over, among many other things, this ideal man in her life. Chinese society set up her mentality and her mind was set for living and fighting in Chinese society, but unfortunately she changed country, to Canada, and even worse to Quebec where THE RELATIONSHIP type has been a unique one in the world. She got completely. She did not love her old husband any more, but she could neither fit in the QUebecois relationship type…

    To read the story, please go to: http://www.albertoforchielli.com/author/hai-bo-wang/

    The story is not finished yet.

    Peter Pottinger inquired about international marriage. The latter one 3rd of the story introduced this subject. The protagonist was trying a Quebecois man and the story will soon tell you if Ou Yang succeeded or not…

    Interesting writing, Rachel Wang!

  • Guest

    The novel that I am writing is about a Chinese woman’s struggle over, among many other things, this ideal man in her life. Chinese society set up her mentality and her mind was set for living and fighting in Chinese society, but unfortunately she changed country, to Canada, and even worse to Quebec where THE RELATIONSHIP type has been a unique one in the world. She got completely lost. She did not love her old husband any more, but she could neither fit in the Quebecois relationship type…

    To read the story, please go to: http://www.albertoforchielli.c

    The story is not finished yet.

    Peter Pottinger inquired about international marriage. The latter one 3rd of the story introduced the subject of international marriage. The protagonist was trying a Quebecois man and the story will soon tell you if Ou Yang succeeded or not…

    Interesting writing, Rachel Wang!

  • Hai Bo Wang

    The novel that I am writing is about a Chinese woman’s struggle over, among many other things, this ideal man in her life. Chinese society set up her mentality and her mind was set for living and fighting in Chinese society, but unfortunately she changed country, to Canada, and even worse to Quebec where THE RELATIONSHIP type has been a unique one in the world. She got completely lost. She did not love her old husband any more, but she could neither fit in the Quebecois relationship type…

    To read the story – The Hidden Seduction, please go to: http://www.albertoforchielli.c

    The story is not finished yet.

    Peter Pottinger inquired about international marriage. The latter one 3rd of the story introduced the subject of international marriage. The protagonist was trying a Quebecois man and the story will soon tell you if Ou Yang succeeded or not…

    Interesting writing, Rachel Wang!

  • Hai Bo Wang

    Sorry, couldn’t find a way to delete the older comments. :(

  • ComaPrison

    As an ABC “Phoenix man”, albeit with minimal/no ties to extended family, I find the stereotypical perspectives the polled women have to be offensive, laughable, and pitiful. With attitudes like that, no wonder they’re still single. Whether you are a Phoenix man or a Secondhand man, if you are at least reasonably attractive, have a good personality, and know how to make your woman feel special, you won’t have any problems getting a girlfriend/future wife.

    • David Weiss

      you are correct. You have to meet their demands or certain criteria that are very materialistically oriented before they even care to meet you. Traditionally in China to meet a woman is with the intentions to be married. You have to buy the woman you want to marry off the parents in Shanghai. The price is so high that most Chinese men can not afford and it and are very frustrated. To me these Chinese old traditions don’t mix today with modern China. In the poor farm towns you have to exchange livestock. I had met women on internet who said their husband divorced them because they dishonored them by not having a baby son. So he divorces her to remarry and maybe get a son. They probably still drown female infants in remote eras of China. There are more divorces growing at an alarming rate in China. I feel it is part of the modernized change that already has been happening in prosperous western countries. Women have no reason to become dependent on a husband for survival anymore because they are working in careers outside of their homes and the unity of family values is disintegrating. I don’t think this change is good for human civilization. Women still should feel themselves subservient by nature to a husband because that is the characteristic universally that women are Yin and man is Yang. If a woman becomes all dominating it destroys the harmony and relationship. It doesn’t mean a woman is less than a man. She can still go out and work. Being subservient means she shouldn’t be so independent in her actions and allow the husband to play a male gender role at times. Just like the Sun allows darkness to dominate and the darkness allows the Sun to dominate.

  • Rufus

    Hello Rachel,

    I just found your post and I enjoy reading it. Your article about Chinese women and marriage is really closed to the truth I think from Chinese perspective. And I am actually running a website http://www.mynewchinesewife.com that is the resource of Chinese women and Chinese wife.

    I am wondering if you are interested in having a guest post in our website? Look forward your reply. Thank you and have a good day.


  • primepeng

    All these will be alive again by meeting white foreign guys. They have a lot to offer that no chinese can like being charming caring expressive romantic sexual interactive considerate responsive gentle aggressive masculine manhood understanding playful creative funny social intelligence matured and most importantly they treat you as an individual.

    • Paul

      Don’t forget the money! Wake up to yourself. They simply can not love you for any of those things you mentioned as it is not in them. Money is their key to love.

      Treated as an individual.! Only on her terms. They are not what you have dreamt in your head. Be seriously warned. It is not just the odd one, it is the breeding or DNA. Impossible for them to be anything different to what they are now. A sub-human.

      • primepeng

        USA prints money each month and they have all the money they want to enjoy free sex with the thought to be smart chinese gene women yet easily lured into bed by these specifically group of white men, WHOM are unemployed and laughing stocks in their own hometown.
        USA issues $85 billion of cash EACH MONTH under QE3 since 2012 nov. So the chinese women are taken over for sure. White men win chinese men lose

    • David Weiss

      Primepeng: According to studies by Chinese and western psychologists western women and men base a relationship mostly on romance and all the things you described. Chinese women are coming out of the darkness of ignorance they were forced to live in under communist rule. Some are educated enough to realize Chinese marriages are dry without any sense of humor and emotions as well as romance like western culture. A Chinese woman has a sexual encounter with her husband for money or because she has a felling of obligation , but no emotional romantic feelings. She has sex because a child who grows up and works is obligated by law to take care of their parents. I have seen kw they spoil their children and coddle them like they are a future pension when they retire. Chinese believe this is tradition. It isn’t It is the Mao Era brainwashing because the Chinese government has been so corrupt they don’t want to offer health insurance or welfare income for the poor in poverty. They force family members… the children to provide social services. The government officials keep all the money. Former leader Hu Jintao’s family secretly hid billions of dollars for themselves while 750,000,000 Chinese continue to live in poverty to this day. It is only the elitist corporate masters and CCP party leaders that are rich. If China is so rich and wonderful, then why do so many Chinese women want to marry foreigners and leave China? I am in China and at age 62 I look like I am 43 and Chinese women treat me like a celebrity. Chinese men are aging prematurely from eating unhealthy diets and smoking cigarettes. They tend to be more illiterate than a lot of women. They do not socialize too much with any sense of humor and act as if they are sexually oppressed compared to the socializing behavior of westerners. They seem like dead beats. I have some Chinese friends and they don’t seem to have the ability to interact with women so well. Chinese women are the opposite. Women seem to be the predominating gender in China. They rule and even lead factory protests for better wages .Me are very low keyed.

      • Richard Masha

        Dood! I’m saying…

        Drop that bitch. You are old enough, or should be old enough to know that if you don’t like the direction your life is going – change. Don’t wait. Don’t wait for intimacy to fade. After my second born I was quick to get back into the saddle. Wife was like why? I told her, I don’t want to to get used to us not fucking – being intimate (in any context). Period. I can not and will not live my life in s sexless, marriage with no intimacy. If that means we mark “Sex Days” on a calendar so be it.

        It never came to that. Once she saw I was willing to demand what I wanted she complied. She was turned on, because I wanted her and was willing to say it to her face. That’s being the man. Its not abusive, its just the way that works best. Men play best when we use our advantages and women are the same. When we screw with the flow is when we get problems.

        I suppose if Chinese men are cool with playing the fem role then hey, its cool. But I don’t think they are, hence all the “walk-up” sex parlors and such. Clearly they’d rather just pay to have intimacy from a woman rather than demand it from their spouse. And still there 1.6 billion of them :D

  • Jason

    Why do these Chinese women seem to think they are exceptional?
    Why are people falling for this miserable self-centered and manipulative trash.
    Have any of you actually been in relationships with Chinese women? Or worse still marry one of them.
    It is all nonsense. Leave them alone and let them rot in their own self- glory.

    • Jakebrake

      Literally rot….so dirty people!!

    • David Weiss

      I married a Chinese woman who was in her 50′s.As an American I see her as very independent as a married woman. She opens a small store and she explains to me if a husband doesn’t own a house a Chinese woman won’t marry him. I am expected to pay almost 95% of our living expense while she makes an income separate from me. Chinese woman are very dominating gender and don’t appear to allow her husband to play the male gender role. They want to manage everything. I met women who are married and take me out to breakfast or I invite them to lunch like they have some kind of open marriage and play this game of having secret love affairs. I never asked tem if the wanted to have an affair with me. I felt it was because I was an American and it was just a novelty for them to dine with me. I read recently that Chinese marriages are for indefinite companionship but romance is a limited relationship with them and not expected to last long. Some women collaborate with their husband to lure men into a sex affair in a hotel. Then he comes banging on the door making accusations and wants money to compensate for you having sex with his wife. Chinese women can be dangerous. A friend of mine from Canada who is married and living in China told me he was n another city and a woman approached him to have a sexual encounter. She took him to a bar. The next thing he did was he woke up after being drugged and his expensive watch and ring was gone. I READ IN HANGHAI THERE AREN’T ENOUGH WOMEN TO GO AROUND FOR Chinese MEN TO GET MARRIED. THEY ARE EXPECTED TO BUY THE WOMAN THEY WISH TO MARRY FROM her parents and they can’t afford it because the price is too high. In farming villages, traditionally they are expected to give farm animals in exchange for a wife.

  • vikas

    Hi Rachel, that is a great article, I have lived in China during 2012 and I can resonate with what is their in the written pages, When we talk about International marriage in China, Do you have some numbers for Indian Chinese couple.
    During my stay in China, I came across a lot of cases of (Young Chinese + Old White Man) , whereas I could not find cases of Indian Chinese couple.
    I think I am a moderately successful man – 31 years old/live in Singapore and have a decent job. and I have tried to hook up with many Chinese girls but no one seems to be interested.

    • David Weiss

      Because many of these Chinese women on dating sites are looking for a way out of China to live in western countries only. They want the freedom, human rights, good air quiet environment. Singapore is not rally a desirable place for a Chinese woman to want to live. many times they are not interested in Indian people because cultural differences. I think Indian women are very beautiful. Try a dating site in the U.S. where there are Indian women looking for dating and marriage. There are a lot of Indian women seeking relationships in U.S. I myself became a disciple of an Indian guru and lived in temples and became culture oriented to Indian people U.S. is a melting pot with a lot of mixed marriages of different ethnic people. Maybe you have an attraction only to Chinese women like I do. I live in China and am married to a Chinese woman.

    • David Weiss

      I have seen some younger Chinese women married to older foreign men. It’s because they give the man some sexual pleasure and the older man is rich and retired. I met an older man from Australia probably in his 70′s in China visiting his Chinese wife’s family. Chinese women look for that security as a number one priority. Why would a young woman ever marry an old man? For materialistic reasons as a priority. He was almost old enough to be her grandfather. in a true relationship there should be initially a physical attraction between you and your partner in the beginning and then a value of a good personality also become significant as the relationship develops.

    • BruceBeer

      Chinese women tend to like light skinned men, wether Chinese or White. Most Indians are dark, plus as almost neighbors they tend to look down on India, as kind of backward people who they don’t trust. Sorry, I lived there 3 yrs and that is my impression
      I am a 40 year old Attorney/Psychologist and they were all over me. Sorry, but the truth again.

  • Carolyn

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    My name is Andrey mark,from United Kingdom, i am in the England army, one day, we went to Iraq, leaving my wife and two kids. I was away from home for ONE year, when I returned my wife told me she was no longer interested in the marriage that if she could survive for 1 year without me, the marriage is meaningless. Leaving home for ONE year was not easy but not having a family when i came back was more difficult. I pleaded continuously with her for 2 years even left the army just to convince her but all my attempt to get her back failed.On one faithful day, as I was about to sign a friend’s guest book, I saw a post about a spell caster, at first I laughed but took the email address and phone number. After 2days something inside of me just asked me to contact him so i did and he cast a spell for me and he told me she was going to come back to me after 24 hours, to my surprise she called me even before the 24 hours elapsed and she said honey where are you, I’m outside the house, please come and open the door for me. I opened the door and she came in, immediately she fell down on her knees and apologized to me, she said she was wrong to have left me and said she wanted me back. This is a big miracle….. All thanks to Dr iayaryi of (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com), if not for him,I wonder the kind of life I would have lived. I want to use this medium to encourage other men and women out there, to contact this great spell caster, he is one of the greatest spell caster that ever exist. Dr iayaryi have all kinds of spell and these include Love spell, Lucky spell,business spell,spell to stop divorce, Favor spell, curing spell e.t.c. This is his direct contact: (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com) or you can contact him directly through his personal (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)

  • Lilac

    i’m a big believer in the Ex-Girlfriend Reference. I’m much more likely to let a man get close to me if he’s still on friendly term with his ex-girlfriends. From his ex-girlfriend’s well being I can see he’s not a Blue Beard, he didn’t revenge porn her, he didn’t ‘mess with her mental health’ (Lily Allen song) etc, etc – that they only broke up because they weren’t meant to be. That’s cool, if I break up with the guy afterwards for similar reasons, I’ll totally be his Ex-Girlfriend Reference too.

    I’m hardly the only woman who thinks like this in the West or East nowadays as discussion about domestic violence becomes more open. With a loner, you just don’t know if he’s some kind of abuser or stalker – or he’s perfectly fine and kind but when he doesn’t do it for you anymore, but he’s so attached and you are the only woman he has ever slept with that breaking up with him would be a way bigger hassle than breaking up with an experienced breaker-upper. Like for example, somebody like actor Jamie Campbell Bower – if I ever have a chance with him (as if!), I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment! He’s had plenty of girlfriends who are perfectly fine after the break-up, and he’s never spoken ill of any of them! Contrast Justin Timberlake who bad mouthed Britney Spears. Timberlake is a cad.

  • thug4lyfe

    Ha ha, all you “yellow fever” brahs are in luck!

  • Hendrat Giovani

    Ah, I see, its a completly different perspective. I’m living in Canada,
    but born in china. Maybe write an article focused on international
    marriages? I know its possible to vacation to China and perhaps meet a
    girl but, very expensive and also very tacky imo.

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