Q: The chairman of the CSRC (China’s equivalent of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission) and the chairman of a public company in China both fall into a river. You only have one rock, who would you kill?
A: Whoever tries to save them.
The Shanghai Composite Index hit a 43 month-low on September 26 to below 2,000, a stomach-churning fall from around 6,000 points in 2007, and investors seem to want to dull their pain with large doses of dark humor.
@金融圈绝密档案 tweets on Sina Weibo, China’s Twitter, ”A popular way to dis people these days is to say ‘How come you are as stupid as someone who invests in the stock market?’” Sina’s Finance Channel (@新浪财经) goes for the deadpan, “Greece may be in dire straits, but analysts believe that investment opportunities in the Greek stock market is better than the Chinese market.” {{1}}[[1]]希腊目前可能正处于水深火热局面中，但分析称当前希腊股市投资机会好于中国股市。[[1]]
Fan Wei (@范炜), a media analyst, tweets another popular joke, “Bought at the bottom and thought that was the floor, but didn’t know there was a basement below. Bought at the basement level, but didn’t know there was a dungeon below. Bought at the dungeon level, didn’t know there was the earth’s crust below. Bought at the earth’s crust level, but didn’t know there was a hell below. Bought at the hell level, but didn’t know there were [expletive] eighteen levels of hell.” {{2}}[[2]]本想抄底，而且抄在了地板上，却没想到还有地下室；抄在地下室的，没想到下面还有地窖；抄到了地窖的，没想到下面还有地壳；抄在地壳上的，没想到下面还有地狱；拼死抄到了地狱里的，结果是死了也没想到：地狱居然还TM真有十八层。[[2]]
At the 18th level of hell? Don’t celebrate just yet. @大学生讲坛 tweets, “A stock market investor asks Hades, ‘What level of hell is this?’ Hades replies, ‘The 18th.’ The investor tears up out of happiness, ‘Finally I’ve managed to buy at the bottom!’ Hades looks at him with a smile, ‘Don’t you know that hell has IPOed and expanded to 36 levels?’” {{3}}[[3]]一位股民问阎王：这里是地狱的多少层？ 阎王道：18层；股民激动得泪流满面：我终于抄到了地域18层的底！ 阎王看了股民一眼，轻蔑的笑道：你不知道地狱通过“IPO”已经扩建到36层了么[[3]]
China’s retail investors complain about poor regulation, systematic fraud and rampant insider trading. Shi Shusi (@石述思), a social critic, tweeted, “China’s lottery is a legal casino, and China’s stock market is a legal slaughterhouse.” {{4}}[[4]]中国福彩是合法赌场，中国股市是合法屠场。[[4]] Many agree with Shi that China’s stock market is where those with privilege and access take the lunch money of the little guys. @Antares2046 quips, “Gotta have a place for legal money laundering.” {{5}}[[5]] 总得有合法洗钱的地方 [[5]]
@金融圈绝密档案 is more direct in his attacks, “The symptom of the market is wild fluctuation and sharp rises and falls–like a financial black hole it sucks dry retail investors’ hard-earned money, like a meat grinder it crushes retail investors’ confidence. Market interference from the authorities twisted supply and demand and valuation standards, and allowed so many crappy companies to come to market. Interference from the authorities has become the cancer of the stock market!” {{6}}[[6]]【权力干预是中国股市的癌症】股市的病症就是上串下跳、暴涨暴跌，像金融黑洞一样吸干了散户们的血汗钱；像绞肉机一样碾碎了散户信心。是权力干预扭曲了供求关系与估值标准、导致了垃圾公司的泛滥。权力干预已成影响股市健康的癌症！[[6]]
Cancer or not, China’s stock market is highly sensitive to changes in government policies. By the close of business on September 27, the Shanghai Composite rose 2.6% on speculations that the CSRC may introduce new policies to save the market ahead of the 18th Communist Party Congress.
But what if the CSRC decides that upcoming occasions should be commemorated with the stock market index? Qiu Yugang (@裘聿纲), editor of a tech magazine, tweets, “I heard that the stock market may fall to 1,949 points to celebrate National Day, and then to 1,921 points to herald the start of the 18th Party Congress, and then fall to 1,818.55, to celebrate the birthday of Marx.” {{7}}[[7]]听说，股市会跌到1949点欢庆国庆，再跌到1921点迎接十八大的召开。最后定格在1818.55，欢呼马克思诞辰[[7]] (For those not good with dates, the People’s Republic was founded in 1949, the Chinese Communist Party was founded in 1921 and Karl was born on May 5, 1818.)
No matter what happens to the index in the coming days, the Founder Magazine (@创业家杂志) concludes that “no stock is suitable for retail investors,” and brave souls should be prepared to “go in as a crocodile and come out a gecko; go in as a python and come out an earthworm; go in as a BMW and come out a bicycle.”
Consider yourself warned.
This article also appeared in The Atlantic, a Tea Leaf Nation partner site.
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